Wow what a mess! Today I have been spending my day managing Eriq's school assignments. He's still sooo far behind, I'm not sure that he can honestly get back to the place where he needs to be to finish 8th grade.
Last week Jim got a call from the head of the behavior school Eriq attends warning that Eriq will need to look for other schooling because of his disruptive behavior in the classroom. I guess during the school day he was with the high school or older kids and was constantly distributive so they moved him into the classroom with the little kids, where he continued to be distributive. He said something about throwing crayons and antagonizing the other kids. Jim called him and got him to allow Eriq a second chance to remain in the school, but it's a thin rope I suspect. Jim and I talked to Eriq after school and asked how his day was. He response was good. He obviously didn't know the school called to let us know what was really happening in the classroom. We talked about what's going on during the day, including why he isn't getting assignments completed, why he is misbehaving and for once I suspect we are getting honest answers. Eriq said that he isn't doing the school work because he is busy talking to his friends and acts like he is doing it so the teachers don't know he isn't. I asked about the misbehavior and Eriq said that he misbehaves because was wants the attention of the other students and misbehaves because they laugh and he likes when they are paying attention to him. That is soooo not ADHD in my opinion. If he is doing it because he wants to isn't that something more like B.A.D? I have new initials to describe the disorder he has!
Jim and I talked about it privately and he seems so indecisive about the trouble with Eriq. He just says "I don't know what to do", "I'm not sure", "I wish I knew what to do" and more statements of indecisiveness. It's exhausting dealing with Eriq, and Jim so indecisively. After the call from the school about misbehaving and the lack of effort on assignments, I made the decision to withdraw Eriq from baseball this spring season. I figured I paid for it (Jim was laid off at that point) so I have the right to end it. Jim didn't seem happy with my decision but I wasn't concerned. I think Jim wants Eriq to play, but I'm not sure that Eriq even wants to play. If Jim isn't going to make the decision, I will. What does it take for Jim to see the reality of this child?
We are working on school lessons all night, yet Eriq seems to get very little done. He is taking DAYS to complete one lesson and is so far behind. I called the school and spoke to the counselor who said that Eriq needs a B or a C in both the 3rd and 4th grading periods to pass the 8th grade. I just don't know if it's possible. I wonder every day if he can't do the work...maybe the counselor or psychiatrist is right and he is ADHD. Then I see that when he was supposed to be doing computer lessons he was looking up colleges, or when he was supposed to be doing his science, he was coloring, or when he was supposed to be doing the math he was drawing pictures. He isn't applying effort and that's why the work isn't getting done.
Monday, March 31, 2014
Monday, March 24, 2014
3.24
So much to update...not sure even where to begin! I really need to do a better job of updating daily, or even weekly.
Things with Eriq are a mess. Possibly worse than usual. The first area of concern is school work. Eriq is enrolled in home school with VLA, but attends a behavior-counseling school in the area. Basically, he gets counseling and does his school work during the day, because Dad and I are at work. However, he isn't really doing the school work. He has to complete 9 lessons in a nine-weeks per subject (Math, Language Arts, Science and Social Studies), and yet he has barely completed 4 or 5 in each lesson with the 9 weeks ending in five days. He goes to school for hours a day, and barely gets 5 questions answered. He has been doing nothing but school assignments in the evenings, but can't seem to get then finished. On the adding and subtracting fractions lesson it took him seven days to complete 7 worksheets and 50 online questions. Most nights it was from 4pm til 9pm or 10pm and he barely got anything done. I try to see the ADHD that the psychiatrist has diagnosed him with, but I just don't see it. It's more like he doesn't want to do the work...and just doesn't.
Last Saturday, I told him he had one worksheet of math to do before he could leave for his mom's for the weekend. That was 9am on Saturday morning. When she got there at 1:30pm, he had half of the worksheet done. I looked at the problems remaining and they were problems he had been working on all week and just couldn't seem to understand them. During that week he had videos, explanations from me, Jim, and my son Nicholas on how to solve. Yet, he still couldn't, or wouldn't do the work. I am left again to think, does he really not know how to solve the problem? Or does he just not want to?
It was decided about 2:30pm on that Saturday he would take the worksheet home to his mom's and finish it over the weekend. When he returned on Sunday, Eriq's mom sat down to show me the worksheet, and the answers in the notebook. The problem was that all of the problems were in her handwriting! She did all of the work for him. This turned into an argument between me and her because I said I don't know how you doing the work for him helps. She said he did it, but she wrote it down. She wasn't happy with what I said and just left without saying a word. After she left, Eriq got mad at me because of the way that I talked to his mom and said that she is his mom and that she didn't do the math and a crapload of junk about how it's none of my business and I'm not his mother. It got very heated and I smacked him in his mouth. Twice. It got physical and Eriq lunged forward to strike me, but Jim stopped him. They ended up in a physical altercation as well. Jim pinned Eriq and told him to knock if off. Later when Jim and I looked at the problems he did with her, we noticed they were all wrong. So much for that help!
I left the house for a while to take Bella somewhere and to try to think. Eriq has never gotten physical with me, so that was a first. I am honestly concerned about what would have happened if Jim wasn't there to step in. Eriq is very strong, and easily could have harmed me.
Of course, all of this was defending his low-life mother. This woman is a piece of work, and in my opinion, the real root of Eriq's problems. For the first year of my relationship with Jim, I asked him not to say anything negative about her so I could form my own opinion of her. It didn't take long before I realized that she is a problem. First, she pays VERY little or NO child support for Eriq. Her current order is $135 a month (because she doesn't work, and won't) and yet she only seems to pay that about every 4 months. She went to court in January because she is so far behind and told the judge she would make weekly payments to the court to get it caught up. That was January 23rd...the same date as her last payment. Second, this woman sets NO rules or guidelines for Eriq. She literally lets him do whatever he wants, and then complains about his behavior. I can recall over the last four years, since Jim and I have been together, her giving him energy drinks, letting his girlfriend spend the night, run around the property unsupervised with an ax, him left to care for his brother and sister, never being forced to take a shower, and so much more. If I know anything about Eriq is that he is not a normal child and needs to be closely supervised. At our house, it was less than a year ago, when Eriq was playing with fire in our bathroom, that we decided he shouldn't be left alone, or unsupervised. My other issue with Denise is that we suspect she constantly works against the parenting that Jim and I are doing with Eriq. He always comes home from her house in such a negative mood towards us, I suspect she bad mouths us to Eriq, creative more negative energy in our home.
Eriq went to his mom's again this weekend and we took this opportunity to look through his room for stolen items. While we didn't find things in the usual, obvious places, we did find a huge jackpot hidden behind the dresser where the old window is sealed into the wall. We knew of this hiding place a couple of weeks previously and found again a ton of stolen items including root beer, snack cakes, Girl Scout cookies, tubes of icing from the kitchen, clothes he don't want to wear and such. The search of his room also showed mechanical pencils, sharpies, books, pens and such that we didn't purchase for Eriq. When he got home from his moms, we asked where this stuff came from and got the standard idk answer. I asked about the stolen items, and he said he took them from our room when we weren't looking or from the kitchen when we were in the other room. We have literally locked up and hidden so many things in our house, yet he is still able to sneak around to find them, steal them, eat them, etc without us knowing. Yet he can't learn how to add or subtract fractions after 7 days. I also suspect I had money missing out of my purse also, but I have no proof that Eriq stole it. I assumed I misplaced it, or spent it, because it was in my room and the door was closed so Eriq couldn't get to it....and then we found papers from snack items that are in my closet and now know he was in there after all.
Jim and I had a long talk last night about the status of things with Eriq and I think he might be really considering filing unruly charges or taking the next step in the the process, whatever that may be. I have several friends who has suggested unruly charges, which is basically a complaint against Eriq in the juvenile court system....friends have said that it opens up doors to programs that we might not have available to us otherwise. Is this the best path? Should we create a juvenile file for him? Are his violations that bad to warrant that level of punishment? Sometimes I feel like we are overreacting and it's just a few things of stolen candy from my room, or a little bit of cash. Or pencils. It's not a big deal. And then I remember the anger in his face when he lunged toward me, for what I assumed was to hit me, or him pulling a knife on my daughter three years ago, or the fact that my overly affectionate cats won't go near him, or that he was playing with fire, or cutting himself, or pouring bleach on my clothes, or that he can't, or won't, so his school work, or that he has been skipping class, and then I remember it's more serious than the pieces of candy.
I honestly don't tell Jim how I really feel about the situation because I sometimes don't know how I feel about things myself. The truth I will admit though is that this situation with Eriq has taken a toll on our relationship. We fight alot about Eriq, usually because I don't think he supervises him enough, and lets too many of the small things go. I am fearful that Eriq will harm someone I love or that the day to day dealings with Eriq will have a negative impact on the lives of my own children. My daughter has said before that he hates when we fight with Eriq. I feel like I divorced her dad because we were fighting too much and now I put her back in the same situation I was trying to avoid in the first place. I think sometimes of just leaving the house with Nick and Bella and getting our own place. Then I think of moving them from a house they love, or maybe even from the school they love, and uprooting them again, and I stay with optimism that things will get better. But will they? Am I risking my kids sanity and stability for Eriq? Would Eriq be better off if it was just him and his dad? Is that what he wants anyway? I told Jim in the beginning that I would never leave him because of Eriq, but the truth is every day that it gets a little closer and closer as the situation with Eriq continues to worsen.
Things with Eriq are a mess. Possibly worse than usual. The first area of concern is school work. Eriq is enrolled in home school with VLA, but attends a behavior-counseling school in the area. Basically, he gets counseling and does his school work during the day, because Dad and I are at work. However, he isn't really doing the school work. He has to complete 9 lessons in a nine-weeks per subject (Math, Language Arts, Science and Social Studies), and yet he has barely completed 4 or 5 in each lesson with the 9 weeks ending in five days. He goes to school for hours a day, and barely gets 5 questions answered. He has been doing nothing but school assignments in the evenings, but can't seem to get then finished. On the adding and subtracting fractions lesson it took him seven days to complete 7 worksheets and 50 online questions. Most nights it was from 4pm til 9pm or 10pm and he barely got anything done. I try to see the ADHD that the psychiatrist has diagnosed him with, but I just don't see it. It's more like he doesn't want to do the work...and just doesn't.
Last Saturday, I told him he had one worksheet of math to do before he could leave for his mom's for the weekend. That was 9am on Saturday morning. When she got there at 1:30pm, he had half of the worksheet done. I looked at the problems remaining and they were problems he had been working on all week and just couldn't seem to understand them. During that week he had videos, explanations from me, Jim, and my son Nicholas on how to solve. Yet, he still couldn't, or wouldn't do the work. I am left again to think, does he really not know how to solve the problem? Or does he just not want to?
It was decided about 2:30pm on that Saturday he would take the worksheet home to his mom's and finish it over the weekend. When he returned on Sunday, Eriq's mom sat down to show me the worksheet, and the answers in the notebook. The problem was that all of the problems were in her handwriting! She did all of the work for him. This turned into an argument between me and her because I said I don't know how you doing the work for him helps. She said he did it, but she wrote it down. She wasn't happy with what I said and just left without saying a word. After she left, Eriq got mad at me because of the way that I talked to his mom and said that she is his mom and that she didn't do the math and a crapload of junk about how it's none of my business and I'm not his mother. It got very heated and I smacked him in his mouth. Twice. It got physical and Eriq lunged forward to strike me, but Jim stopped him. They ended up in a physical altercation as well. Jim pinned Eriq and told him to knock if off. Later when Jim and I looked at the problems he did with her, we noticed they were all wrong. So much for that help!
I left the house for a while to take Bella somewhere and to try to think. Eriq has never gotten physical with me, so that was a first. I am honestly concerned about what would have happened if Jim wasn't there to step in. Eriq is very strong, and easily could have harmed me.
Of course, all of this was defending his low-life mother. This woman is a piece of work, and in my opinion, the real root of Eriq's problems. For the first year of my relationship with Jim, I asked him not to say anything negative about her so I could form my own opinion of her. It didn't take long before I realized that she is a problem. First, she pays VERY little or NO child support for Eriq. Her current order is $135 a month (because she doesn't work, and won't) and yet she only seems to pay that about every 4 months. She went to court in January because she is so far behind and told the judge she would make weekly payments to the court to get it caught up. That was January 23rd...the same date as her last payment. Second, this woman sets NO rules or guidelines for Eriq. She literally lets him do whatever he wants, and then complains about his behavior. I can recall over the last four years, since Jim and I have been together, her giving him energy drinks, letting his girlfriend spend the night, run around the property unsupervised with an ax, him left to care for his brother and sister, never being forced to take a shower, and so much more. If I know anything about Eriq is that he is not a normal child and needs to be closely supervised. At our house, it was less than a year ago, when Eriq was playing with fire in our bathroom, that we decided he shouldn't be left alone, or unsupervised. My other issue with Denise is that we suspect she constantly works against the parenting that Jim and I are doing with Eriq. He always comes home from her house in such a negative mood towards us, I suspect she bad mouths us to Eriq, creative more negative energy in our home.
Eriq went to his mom's again this weekend and we took this opportunity to look through his room for stolen items. While we didn't find things in the usual, obvious places, we did find a huge jackpot hidden behind the dresser where the old window is sealed into the wall. We knew of this hiding place a couple of weeks previously and found again a ton of stolen items including root beer, snack cakes, Girl Scout cookies, tubes of icing from the kitchen, clothes he don't want to wear and such. The search of his room also showed mechanical pencils, sharpies, books, pens and such that we didn't purchase for Eriq. When he got home from his moms, we asked where this stuff came from and got the standard idk answer. I asked about the stolen items, and he said he took them from our room when we weren't looking or from the kitchen when we were in the other room. We have literally locked up and hidden so many things in our house, yet he is still able to sneak around to find them, steal them, eat them, etc without us knowing. Yet he can't learn how to add or subtract fractions after 7 days. I also suspect I had money missing out of my purse also, but I have no proof that Eriq stole it. I assumed I misplaced it, or spent it, because it was in my room and the door was closed so Eriq couldn't get to it....and then we found papers from snack items that are in my closet and now know he was in there after all.
Jim and I had a long talk last night about the status of things with Eriq and I think he might be really considering filing unruly charges or taking the next step in the the process, whatever that may be. I have several friends who has suggested unruly charges, which is basically a complaint against Eriq in the juvenile court system....friends have said that it opens up doors to programs that we might not have available to us otherwise. Is this the best path? Should we create a juvenile file for him? Are his violations that bad to warrant that level of punishment? Sometimes I feel like we are overreacting and it's just a few things of stolen candy from my room, or a little bit of cash. Or pencils. It's not a big deal. And then I remember the anger in his face when he lunged toward me, for what I assumed was to hit me, or him pulling a knife on my daughter three years ago, or the fact that my overly affectionate cats won't go near him, or that he was playing with fire, or cutting himself, or pouring bleach on my clothes, or that he can't, or won't, so his school work, or that he has been skipping class, and then I remember it's more serious than the pieces of candy.
I honestly don't tell Jim how I really feel about the situation because I sometimes don't know how I feel about things myself. The truth I will admit though is that this situation with Eriq has taken a toll on our relationship. We fight alot about Eriq, usually because I don't think he supervises him enough, and lets too many of the small things go. I am fearful that Eriq will harm someone I love or that the day to day dealings with Eriq will have a negative impact on the lives of my own children. My daughter has said before that he hates when we fight with Eriq. I feel like I divorced her dad because we were fighting too much and now I put her back in the same situation I was trying to avoid in the first place. I think sometimes of just leaving the house with Nick and Bella and getting our own place. Then I think of moving them from a house they love, or maybe even from the school they love, and uprooting them again, and I stay with optimism that things will get better. But will they? Am I risking my kids sanity and stability for Eriq? Would Eriq be better off if it was just him and his dad? Is that what he wants anyway? I told Jim in the beginning that I would never leave him because of Eriq, but the truth is every day that it gets a little closer and closer as the situation with Eriq continues to worsen.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
3.11
No posts for a few days...not because Eriq isn't being his wonderful self, but just too busy!
The last 24 hours has been up and down with Eriq. He came home from his mom's on Sunday with the usual attitude. He's always like that when he returns from her house. We often wonder if it's because she has not structure there and lets him do whatever he wants or if it's because she complains to Eriq about our parenting decisions.
Anyway, last night he was outright rude to his Dad. I overheard part of the conversation with them and Eriq was rude, and back talking his dad. Jim is sometimes too nice, and said very little. I, on the other hand, told Eriq to knock it off and he will not speak to adult in this house in that tone. He quickly eased the attitude for a bit.
However, after dinner we had a long talk about the constantly stealing in our house. It was brought to our attention on Friday, before he left, that Bella's box of Girl Scout cookies that she purchased had been opened and almost completely eaten. Eriq admitted to taking it after confronted with the evidence of cookie and cookie crumbs in his pants pockets. He is made to do Bella's chores for a week, isn't allowed upstairs and had to write an aplogy note to Bella. The note was the most interesting because it gives us an insight into the how and why Eriq steals things. It said, summed up, that he had inquired with Nicholas if he and Bella got their cookies yet, so he know they had them. One day when he was in Bella's room, he saw them so, when his dad went out to get the mail one day, he ran up to Bella's room, shoved all of the cookies in his pants and ran back downstairs before his dad came back in so it would look like he was in the bathroom. OMG! My first thought was how many steps of planning did it take to steal a box of cookies????
We talked to Eriq about his stealing and as always, he has no idea why he does it. I suspect it's because he is jealous of the things that they have, and he doesn't, which is why he takes them. I also pointed out that he always takes things from me, Nicholas and Bella, but never his dad. We chatted about things for a while and I asked him to come up with a plan we could do to get him to stop stealing. Eriq has no plan and no ideas; surprise! He finally, after some prodding, suggested selling his items to pay for the items he steals. LMAO. I had to restrain myself on that one. We have been doing that for the two years we have been in the new house! We've tried selling his items, making him do chores or shovel show to pay for the items, apology notes, close supervision and yet he steals things faster than we can keep up. The idea of selling his things would work with a normal child...but Eriq isn't normal. So....instead of a punishment, we decided to offer an incentive. I told Eriq that we will buy him a new Under Armor hoodie if he doesn't steal anything for 30 days. He seemed quite excited about the deal and even bragged to his teachers about it. Yet, I don't think he can go a week without stealing something. What I suspect will happen is that he will steal it and get better at hiding the evidence so he still earns the hoodie. Nothing we do changes his behavior. However, his tactics at getting away with things and not getting caught as easily are changing.
Last night we had a call from Patty Peckins, one of Eriq's online school teachers. She was concerned because the ipad they allowed Eriq to use for school is no longer function because in her words, "he messed with the settings." We asked Eriq about it and he claims that the ipad did a software update and rebooted and wouldn't turn on after that. I hate to suspect things of a child, but I wonder if Eriq didn't do something to it. It was only two weeks ago that we found a stolen cell phone in his possession that had been used to access the internet and watch porn videos and download pornographic images. Is it wrong to suspect him when there is no evidence? Ms. Peckins is going to turn it over to the IT guys at her school and if there are pornographic images on there, as a result of Eriq, he will be removed from the school. Hum.
This morning there was an issue with Eriq and his dad. I wasn't there to witness all of it, but when I asked Jim about it he said that Eriq was mad that he had to wear a coat, and threw it across the room at his dad. Jim took the coat and threw it back, hitting Eriq in the back with the zipper. Eriq got mad and stormed out of the house. We're not even sure what the issue was because Eriq fails to communicate anything with us!
UGH!
J
The last 24 hours has been up and down with Eriq. He came home from his mom's on Sunday with the usual attitude. He's always like that when he returns from her house. We often wonder if it's because she has not structure there and lets him do whatever he wants or if it's because she complains to Eriq about our parenting decisions.
Anyway, last night he was outright rude to his Dad. I overheard part of the conversation with them and Eriq was rude, and back talking his dad. Jim is sometimes too nice, and said very little. I, on the other hand, told Eriq to knock it off and he will not speak to adult in this house in that tone. He quickly eased the attitude for a bit.
However, after dinner we had a long talk about the constantly stealing in our house. It was brought to our attention on Friday, before he left, that Bella's box of Girl Scout cookies that she purchased had been opened and almost completely eaten. Eriq admitted to taking it after confronted with the evidence of cookie and cookie crumbs in his pants pockets. He is made to do Bella's chores for a week, isn't allowed upstairs and had to write an aplogy note to Bella. The note was the most interesting because it gives us an insight into the how and why Eriq steals things. It said, summed up, that he had inquired with Nicholas if he and Bella got their cookies yet, so he know they had them. One day when he was in Bella's room, he saw them so, when his dad went out to get the mail one day, he ran up to Bella's room, shoved all of the cookies in his pants and ran back downstairs before his dad came back in so it would look like he was in the bathroom. OMG! My first thought was how many steps of planning did it take to steal a box of cookies????
We talked to Eriq about his stealing and as always, he has no idea why he does it. I suspect it's because he is jealous of the things that they have, and he doesn't, which is why he takes them. I also pointed out that he always takes things from me, Nicholas and Bella, but never his dad. We chatted about things for a while and I asked him to come up with a plan we could do to get him to stop stealing. Eriq has no plan and no ideas; surprise! He finally, after some prodding, suggested selling his items to pay for the items he steals. LMAO. I had to restrain myself on that one. We have been doing that for the two years we have been in the new house! We've tried selling his items, making him do chores or shovel show to pay for the items, apology notes, close supervision and yet he steals things faster than we can keep up. The idea of selling his things would work with a normal child...but Eriq isn't normal. So....instead of a punishment, we decided to offer an incentive. I told Eriq that we will buy him a new Under Armor hoodie if he doesn't steal anything for 30 days. He seemed quite excited about the deal and even bragged to his teachers about it. Yet, I don't think he can go a week without stealing something. What I suspect will happen is that he will steal it and get better at hiding the evidence so he still earns the hoodie. Nothing we do changes his behavior. However, his tactics at getting away with things and not getting caught as easily are changing.
Last night we had a call from Patty Peckins, one of Eriq's online school teachers. She was concerned because the ipad they allowed Eriq to use for school is no longer function because in her words, "he messed with the settings." We asked Eriq about it and he claims that the ipad did a software update and rebooted and wouldn't turn on after that. I hate to suspect things of a child, but I wonder if Eriq didn't do something to it. It was only two weeks ago that we found a stolen cell phone in his possession that had been used to access the internet and watch porn videos and download pornographic images. Is it wrong to suspect him when there is no evidence? Ms. Peckins is going to turn it over to the IT guys at her school and if there are pornographic images on there, as a result of Eriq, he will be removed from the school. Hum.
This morning there was an issue with Eriq and his dad. I wasn't there to witness all of it, but when I asked Jim about it he said that Eriq was mad that he had to wear a coat, and threw it across the room at his dad. Jim took the coat and threw it back, hitting Eriq in the back with the zipper. Eriq got mad and stormed out of the house. We're not even sure what the issue was because Eriq fails to communicate anything with us!
UGH!
J
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