As I did not like the path things were on, I decided to shake it up! We have been having continuous problems with Eriq, mainly with his behavior. We go to the psychiatrist and I feel like it's a constant battle between what we see and what they believe. Dr. Boren says it's ADHD and these are the symptoms, yada yada yada. I have never believed that Eriq has ADHD mainly because he seems to know what he's doing, and simply don't care. At the last meeting I asked about reducing his ADHD meds and she was against that decision and suggested that we add another med to the mix to try to balance his moods. UGH! I just wonder what Eriq would be like without the meds. He's gone from one med to the next, to the next, to the next, never knowing what the symptoms are that we are actually treating. And for that reason, I stopped giving Eriq his ADHD meds. I didn't want him, or his dad, to know, so I simply emptied the capsules of the medicine and gave him the empty capsule. I have seen Eriq modify his behavior based on the way that he feels he's supposed to act and I wanted to evaluate him without any other interpretation. And guess what? His behavior improved!!!!!!
It's been four weeks (or so) since I made this decision, and I've had time to interpret things. He's been calmer, polite, courteous, and alot of other things we haven't seen from him. One night while talking to Jim about Eriq's change in behavior, I came clean and told him what I'd done. I figured he would be furious...he believes all of these medicines they give Eriq will solve his behavior problems. I just wonder if all of this time the medicines weren't the cause of the problems! I've asked Eriq himself why the change in behavior and he doesn't know. He does say that his mind isn't racing as much, and he feels calmer.
I should say some of the behavior has changed, but not all of it. Eriq is still struggling daily with his school lessons. He seems distracted (no more or less than when he was on the ADHD med) and really uninterested in doing the lessons. He is literally failing 8th grade, and couldn't seem to care less.
I try often to engage Eriq in meaningful conversation about what's going on in his life and it always leads back to his mother. I'm starting to wonder if maybe she is really the root of his problems. After his last weekend visit, he came home in a very sour mood and was just acting like a jerk. On Monday night I had enough and called him out on it. He left relatively normal, and returned a complete jerk. He was honest and said that there are problems at his moms and things he's not happy with. He said that she sleeps all day and that he is left to do the work she is supposed to do, including taking care of the kids, cooking, cleaning and such. I explained that it's not abnormal for a child to support their parents, but he insisted that this was way more than that. He's always so anxious to go to his moms for the weekend. He can't wait! When I asked why e said it's because of his brother and sister. We ended the conversation by agreeing that drama and problems at his moms stays at his moms and things in our house stay in our house. We shouldn't be punished because of her perceived wrong doings.
Last night he was struggling with Math...again. I just don't see him putting in the effort needed to get the lessons done. I asked him why and he got all defensive and said we should just give up on him like everyone else has. I asked like who and he eventually said his mom. I said I'm sorry that you feel that way, but again that's your mom and not others. We haven't given up on him and are trying to help him pass the 8th grade and move on to a productive member of society. Yet, he feels everyone has given up on him because his mother has.
Is it possibly that a mother can cause such trauma to a child? She has him approximately four days a month. Is it even possible? Jim sees the psychiatrist on Friday and I am going to suggest to her that we evaluate him for counseling regarding this issue specifically.
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