I was hoping today would be a day of redemption and instead it turned out to be something entirely!
For weeks, I've been looking forward to an appointment with Dr. Boren, Eriq's psychiatrist, and Josh, from Eriq's behavior school, to discuss issues with Eriq. Jim was unable to attend, so I spoke with Jim on Tuesday night about our stance and went to the appointment to represent our side of things.
The appointment started as they always do, with the Doctor asking Eriq for his opinion of things. Eriq says that he's having problems with stealing poptarts, and other doing other things he's not supposed to be doing. They talked about focus, and Eriq says that he's able to focus to focus on his work, about half of the time. She asked about the other half of the time and he says he just doesn't want to. UGH! I've been saying for MONTHS that I don't believe the ADHD diagnosis and now he says himself that he chooses not to focus. They talk for a while about how he feels, his moods, and his general behavior. The doctor and the counselor feel that his moods effect his behavior and another medicine should be added to his roster to help stabilize his mood.
I asked Eriq to wait in the hall to discuss things privately and wanted to make sure they understood the severity of the issues we are having with Eriq. I voiced my concerns, including lack of effort on school work, continuous stealing, lying and other "trickery" behaviors. I felt that Eriq diminished the problems we were/are having and I wanted them to make sure that the issues we are having are serious. The doctor recommend the new med, a anti-seizure med, that would be used in Eriq's case to stabilize his moods. I asked how this is different than the Lithium he was on before that was to stabilize his moods and had no effect. She said it's a different medicine and works differently with less side effects. We discussed the issues further and whether meds will treat the issues we are having with Eriq. She advised that alot of Eriq's behaviors are a result of his environment and implied that Jim and I are the problem. I questioned this a bit further and she explained that Jim and I fighting (which is seldom and always about Eriq), Terry's murder, and that Eriq doesn't have any positive relationships are what is causing his misbehavior and when we solve those issues the behavior will improve. I felt like she was placing the blame on us for Eriq's negative behaviors. Also, how does Terry's murder have anything at all to do with Eriq???? He met him a couple of times, but didn't know how more than that. I said that if Nicholas and Bella aren't having behavior problems as a result of their dad's death, how can Eriq? He's sensitive they said. At several points of this meeting I seriously considered just leaving with no explanation. For 40 minutes we talked about Eriq and the problems that we are having and the entire time I felt they were justifying his bad behaviors. He steals a cell phone, hacks into the internet, and downloads porn. Yet somehow that's our fault. Eriq steals money, or food, or year books, or whatever, and that's because he doesn't have relationships with people close to him. I agree that he doesn't have relationships with people close to him, but why is that? I feel he isn't close to his dad because of the negative behaviors in our house. Can you really feel close with someone who destroys your house, steals your money, tells lies about you, and lies directly to you? I am not close with Eriq, by my own choice. I also asked about filing unruly charges against Eriq, and they both felt that was extreme for the problems we are having. It was the last visit I was at, about two months ago, that the doctor suggested that to us? All of a sudden, the problems are a result of things happening in our house?
I am so disappointed in the outcome of this appointment. Another med? Really? How many meds have we tried with no change in behavior? Lithium, Intuniv, Vynanze, Concerta, are just a few I can recall. I was hoping for the doctor to see where we stand with a real approach on how to change Eriq's behavior. Instead, I feel like we got blamed for his behavior. Are parents ultimately responsible for their children's behavior? Are we responsible for Eriq's? I just don't believe so.
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